The Broken Inner Little Girl: Growing into a Woman

There’s a little girl inside every woman. She carries the memories, the wounds, the fears. For some, she’s a quiet whisper in the background, a fleeting thought that barely registers. But for others, she’s a heavy presence—reminding them of what they lacked, what they lost, what they never got to be.

Maybe she was the girl who had to grow up too fast, learning to take care of others before she ever learned to take care of herself. Maybe she was the girl who was ignored, dismissed, or abandoned, always wondering why she wasn’t enough. Or maybe she was the girl who lived in a house filled with love, yet somehow still felt unseen.

Fast forward to adulthood. That same little girl still exists, still influencing choices, relationships, and self-worth. She shows up in the woman who struggles to set boundaries, who fears rejection like it’s a matter of life or death, who chases after love that feels just out of reach. And the real question is: how does she heal? How does she grow up when no one ever taught her how?

Let's talk about this for a second, "How Does She Learn to Grow When she was never taught?

How do you learn to swim when you were thrown into the deep end with no life vest? How do you build a home when no one ever handed you the blueprint? This is what it feels like to step into adulthood when no one ever taught you how to care for yourself, how to regulate your emotions, and how to love yourself without conditions.

It’s unfair. It’s exhausting. And yet, this is the reality for so many women who carry wounds they never asked for. When no one teaches you how to process pain in a healthy way, you improvise. You suppress. You distract. You create coping mechanisms that help you survive but don’t necessarily help you thrive. Maybe you learned to seek validation through overachievement, believing that if you were just “good enough,” someone would finally see you. Maybe you learned to tolerate toxic relationships because dysfunction felt like home. Maybe you became hyper-independent, refusing to rely on anyone because, deep down, you never truly believed anyone would be there for you.

Growth feels impossible when you’ve never seen it modeled. When love was absent or conditional, self-love feels foreign. When your emotions were dismissed as a child, self-expression feels dangerous. When you were never taught to rest, exhaustion feels like the only state you know. And yet, despite all of this, there is still a way forward.

You learn by trial and error. By fumbling through relationships and finally realizing what isn’t love. By hitting rock bottom and deciding that maybe—just maybe—you deserve better. You learn by seeking out the knowledge that was never given to you, by re-parenting yourself in ways your caregivers never could. And you learn by forgiving yourself for not knowing what no one ever taught you.

Yes, that inner child healing can be messy. However, it’s painful! It’s unfair! It's mentally taxing. But know growth is possible. And the moment you realize that you are capable of teaching yourself what was never given to you—that’s the moment everything begins to change.

Write this down " The scars of your past become the seeds of your strength!!!" (Coach Shonda)

Re-Parenting Yourself as an Adult: What Does That Mean?

You are reading this with your eyebrows arched, like "Coach Shonda, what the hell is re-parenting?" Let's talk.

Re-parenting yourself is exactly what it sounds like—becoming the parent you never had. It’s about filling in the gaps, meeting the needs that were ignored, and giving ourselves the love, care, and emotional security we lacked as a child. And it’s not just an abstract concept—it’s a real, tangible process that involves rewiring the way you treat yourself.

Science backs this up. Studies in neuroplasticity show that the brain is capable of forming new pathways even in adulthood. This means that the damage done in childhood doesn’t have to define you forever. You can teach yourself new ways of thinking, reacting, and existing in the world.

But re-parenting yourself is hard. It requires acknowledging the voids and actively choosing to fill them. It means learning to comfort yourself instead of seeking comfort in self-destructive behaviors. It means recognizing your triggers and choosing different responses, even when your instincts tell you otherwise. It’s waking up every day and making the conscious decision to treat yourself with the kindness and patience you should have received as a child.

With all that being said, healing is not a destination—it’s a journey. It’s a lifelong commitment to yourself, to your growth, and to the woman you are becoming. You will have moments of doubt, days when the past feels too heavy, and times when old wounds threaten to reopen. But each time you choose healing, each time you choose to love yourself a little more, you are rewriting your story.

Affirm this truth: I am no longer bound by the wounds of my past. I am capable of growth, of love, of self-worth. I am a child of God, and I walk in His strength. I am healing, and I am whole.

As you continue on this path, equip yourself with tools that foster growth: therapy, journaling, prayer, community, and self-compassion. Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Create habits that nourish you. Speak life over yourself daily. Most importantly, speak to that inner little girl.

Lastly, remember that God is walking this journey with you. He is the ultimate healer, the one who restores what was broken and redeems what was lost. Lean into His presence, trust His plan, and step boldly into the future He has for you.

You are not just surviving, you are thriving.!!!

You are not just healing, you are becoming whole!!!

And you are worthy of every step forward you take.

I can relate because I was that little girl now a grown woman thriving and making a difference.